Friends

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the qualities of friendship. Here are some reflections that have come to mind:


1) Friends have common interests.

2) Friends are positive, they make us laugh, and feel lighter.

3) Friends are loyal, and steadfast.

4) Friends feel a genuine real interest in one another.

5) Friends influence us to be better human beings.

6) Friends need to be creative.


There was a dark period in my life, when I allowed one person to hold sway. The messages that he presented to me, about me, over time started to take a toll. Much gaslighting and emotional abuse, caused me to doubt everything that I believed about myself. After four years, I walked away dazed and confused.

I never wanted to be manipulated again, after painstakingly reconstructing my life. So, I set up a three strikes rule with people who I encountered. The three strikes had to be big mistakes. I still operate under this system. It keeps me mindful of trust. And, it has helped me to recalibrate my relationships, inducing me to keep from getting three strikes with friends, because it goes both ways. If you're on your second strike, I'm automatically wary. Likewise, if I'm on my second strike with you, you should be getting ready to pack it in, because frankly, you deserve better treatment.

Social media sometimes gives us a false idea of friendship. Being friends on Facebook, isn't the same thing as being friends in real life. It's just not, sorry. We are set up with hundreds of acquaintances. Guess what, that can be pretty wonderful for an introvert like me. It allows me to feel like I'm interacting, without having to even get out of my pajamas or leave the house. I'm not sure that it constitutes true friendship though. We are on the outside, looking in at what others choose to share.

Friends actually get a front row seat at our pageant. They see the flaws, and make the memories. I'm thinking back to a European backpacking trip with my two best friends. I accidentally cracked a souvenir ceramic french bowl in my backpack. It made me so mad at my mistake, that I threw the remnant of the bowl at the hotel room wall. Hard. Both friends just stared at me in open-mouthed horror. Welcome to my hot temper! It was a good lesson to me that adult tantrums are terrifying. I grew up in a house of tantrums. My brother punched a hole in our garage wall, and once tore a door off it's hinges. My dad threw tools. My friends found the exact bowl, at a store in San Francisco, and gave it to me for Christmas a year later. What a lesson in graciousness, and good behavior.

When I was giving the eulogy at my mom's funeral, I looked out and saw these same two lovely people sitting in the audience. Their presence helped me to stumble through a terrible day.

Anyhow, I have a very small number of friends. I've been thinking of some ways to try harder to show how much I appreciate them. If you've had three strikes, move it on along. If I've been a lousy friend and you've given me three strikes, find someone better. You deserve the best, don't put up with mistreatment.