I’m sitting in my car dealership right now. Today is a designated “mental health day”. I sure need it. But, once I’m done here, I will be going to my dad’s house to clean out his fridge. At least my sister will be there, too. She contributes greatly to my overall wellness.
How’s it all going? Well, I’m not sure. I feel like I am driving myself hard. I produce and post 12 to 15 videos a week for my students. Only about half of the class is actually watching them. We meet every day on zoom. These meetings seem to be going well. It is difficult to build community virtually. I feel like we all sense that the spark of human interaction is missing. I like my class a lot. I feel the spiritual presence of each student, even when a screen is black. I try to imagine the face, the heart, the feelings. I wish that we could be together. But, with infection rates spiking, it’s just not safe for us to be back in class.
There is a lot of frustration with the limitations of online education. There has been a lot of complaining. Some of it even from me. I left Facebook, because I was sick to death of the negativity. I’ve gotten ambushed and blasted in person by frustrated parents. People are afraid that their students will “fall behind”. What does that mean? Learning is a continuum. If a student is motivated, he or she will learn. Desire plays a huge role. The Spanish word for this is “ganas”. With ganas, all is possible. I have had students advance two or three grade levels in reading and math, in one year. What explains that? Desire. If a child seems to lack drive during a global pandemic, when families are losing jobs, and are food insecure, that is perfectly understandable. We can have faith that ganas will eventually be restored. I am a believer.
As for me, I am trying hard to stay strong, so as to model a good work ethic to my students. I’m trying to laugh, and to joke around with them, as though we’re in person. I’m trying to point out the strength of Karana in “Island of the Blue Dolphins”, and of Kenny in “The Watson’s Go to Birmingham-1963”. I have returned to my art practice. Keeping busy making and creating. I’m working on my insomnia, and my impending dread. One day, sleep and a sense of wonder will be restored. I am a believer.
