Tough.

This has been a tough school year for me. My mom passed away and we had her funeral at the end of September. I've spent the school year grieving, feeling numb, and trying to help my dad to adjust to his new life. For years, his primary job was that of being a caretaker for my mom. Now, he's living alone, and trying to sort out his grief and loneliness. One needs much inner strength to make such a change.

My class required strictness, understanding, and immediate academic growth. I was hard on kids, sometimes too hard, but I needed them to catch up. I know that if students aren't reading on grade level by fifth grade, they start missing content, and they fall terribly behind. It isn't called the "fourth grade slump" for nothing. Sometimes, I felt like a tough cookie. The bad guy. A drill sergeant. All of the time. But, I watched students who were reading at 30-ish wpm at the beginning of the year, give oral reports today. Imagine how good they felt. Each one asked me, "Did I do a good job?", "Was that okay?". How do you not cry? The triumph belongs to them, and to all of their helpers along the way.

Most days, I returned home to my dogs, and to my new cat, and just took a minute to relax. And, then there was clay. Spending time making things has been very therapeutic. It definitely was, back when my mom was ill during the summer. It's easy to achieve a kind of stillness and solace while I'm working.

One thing that I realized this year was how true this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt is: "Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." So, I've stumbled through, and learned that I can try my best, and I can repair my mistakes as I go. And, I can do this with focus and determination.